Selena Uibo: I lost two babies and this is my story
Selena, husband Corey, and three year old daughter Radiance.
**WARNING: This content contains details about losing a child during pregnancy*
Selena Uibo is a name many people would know.
Born and bred Territorian, proud Nunggubuyu woman, passionate advocate for Aboriginal disadvantage and high-profile Minister in the NT Government.
Her voice is a powerful one.
It is one she has used many times in her life - as an up-and-coming Aboriginal leader and remote schoolteacher in Numbulwar, as Local Member for Arnhem representing her constituents, and in Cabinet lobbying to improve the lives of Aboriginal Territorians.
It is a voice she is now using to honor the two baby boys she gave birth to and lost in the space of just 14 months.
Their names were Astro and Orion.
Two babies born in July 2021 and September 2022 - at 19.5 and 21 weeks respectively.
Selena certainly knows the power of words and the impact her story will have on other Territory women who have gone through miscarriage, stillbirth or child loss.
She also knows that speaking publicly for the first time since her loss - six months after the death of Orion - will bring with it a cathartic experience that will only serve to help her little family, which includes husband Corey and three-year-old daughter Radiance.
“You go through the rollercoaster, up and down emotionally, and I think for a long time I had other things to focus on such as work,” Selena tells Her Territory.
“But it was never about forgetting about Astro and Orion.
“It was more about how do I get all of the thoughts and feelings out that are mine, without leaving the story of the boys behind. And hopefully at the same time providing other people with the opportunity to at least know that there are others that are going through or have gone through what they have too.
“For me, as a woman, I felt like my body had betrayed me, and it didn’t matter what anyone else said or did, I kept having these thoughts of what could I have done differently.
“With everything else I could feel confident and strong .. but this was one thing I could not control.
“What I learnt was that Mother Nature … you can’t control.”
***
Radiance - or Rae Rae as she is affectionately known by her family - had just turned one when Selena and Corey found out they were expecting their second baby - a little boy.
It was a happy time for the little family as they discussed ways in which to announce her pregnancy as she got closer to 20 weeks.
Selena with baby Radiance
“There was no issue with the pregnancy at all. We were a couple of days from the 5 month mark and we were talking about how we were going to announce that we were expecting our second child.
“But early on Monday morning my waters broke and we went straight into the Katherine Hospital. They did some tests to confirm the waters had actually broken, and at this stage we were told there were a couple of different ways things could go.
“Either the baby would keep developing but there could be medical complications, or your body will choose for you, and you will start going into labor in the next few days.
“And that is what happened.”
Selena began going into labor early on Tuesday morning - the 13th of July - with Astro being born later that afternoon. To try and prepare Selena, doctors had told her there was a small chance the baby would still be breathing when he was born.
“Astro wasn’t breathing. We were asked if we wanted to hold him, which I did.
“I did not want to not see him.”
Selena said the family was given time alone with Astro - who was born a perfectly formed little boy - to grieve as a family.
“He was perfect. And it was very emotional, especially given there was nothing wrong with Astro - he was just so little. We brought Radiance in as well as we wanted her to be part of this journey and even though she was quite young, we wanted to show her that this was her little brother.”
Poignantly just three weeks after losing Astro, Selena was lunged back into grief when her mother unexpectedly passed away.
“I remember just days after my mum passed, and of course I was still trying to process the loss of Astro, the hospital called and asked me if I had made the decision of what I wanted to do with Astro’s body. I was in my (Ministerial) office and just broke down.
“It was a lot.”
Selena credits the support of family, friends and colleagues at this time of helping her get through the loss.
So when she fell pregnant again less than a year later she was mentally and emotionally equipped to deal with her third pregnancy.
“Everything was going really well - it was another little boy. Doctors chose to take precautionary measures with extra monitoring and testing - although nothing was definitive about why we lost Astro.
“We had our 17 week scan and they checked the cervix and found it was less than 2cm - very short - so it was recommended I have a cervical suture, or stitch around the cervix, two days later.
“The procedure went very well, but they did tell us there was a high risk we could lose the baby during surgery or shortly after.
“I was told my cervix had started dilating by 2cm but our very experienced doctor in Katherine had managed to do the stitch and I was monitored closely for the next 48 hours.”
Selena said the next few weeks passed and she had just hit 21 weeks of pregnancy and was finally thinking they were through the other side.
“I remember I had a massive headache one afternoon after Corey and Rae Rae had gone off to the playground, so I had a lie down.
“I started having cramps in my stomach at that point.
“Corey and Rae Rae came back and I said ‘we need to go to the hospital.’
“So we went in and it was the same doctor that had delivered Astro. She came in and said your waters have broken and your body is going into labour.
“So between the hours of 5.30 in the afternoon - to having Orion at 1230 at nght - 7 hours just rushed by like that.
“We’d gone from mentally thinking we were in the safe zone … and had just started dropping our guard a bit, and then, that next day happened so quick.”
Born at 21 weeks exactly, little Orion was not breathing when he was delivered.
“We were asked again if I wanted to hold him. He was - in that 2 weeks - more developed than what Astro had been. All his little features were there. But again just tiny .. so small.
“The nurses were amazing .. they’d come in and have a cry with me.”
Selena spent two days in hospital with Orion, during which time he was placed in a cold cot - a refrigerated cot that allows parents to spend more time with their baby than would otherwise be possible. It also enables parents to bond with their baby and aids the grieving process.
“Radiance came in on both days to spend time with her little brother. She was a bit older this time so she would ask questions and wonder why he wasn’t coming home or why mummy was crying.”
***
It has been a deeply personal journey for Selena.
A journey she has only just felt comfortable sharing in the knowledge that it might help soothe the grief experienced by others.
“If this can help people know they aren’t alone and that there is no need to keep these things hidden, then it is a good thing.
“For me, I spent the time I needed to recover physically and rest … and the emotional recovery is still happening now.
“While you never come back from that type of loss and grief .. the days in between the sadness definitely grow a little bit longer.”
If anyone needs support or any counselling services, contact Amber NT on 89485311 or visit Beside you in grief | Amber NT.
Selena with baby Astro, aged 19 weeks and 3 days.
Selena and baby Orion, at 21 weeks.
A beautiful note by Angel Gowns, a not-for-profit charity that sews little outfits for babies that have been lost.