Is social media ruining our kids' lives?
It seems like every year kids are becoming more addicted to their mobile phones.
Chatting with a girlfriend the other night, I found myself genuinely questioning if social media was ruining kids’ lives.
Tik Tok, Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram … platforms that offer up access to pretty much any content you want, delivered right into the hands of impressionable children and teenagers.
I've heard some pretty horrifying stories lately about the way the online world is leaving a trail of destruction on children as young as 8.
Children being bullied and filmed on Tik Tok and Snapchat; girls as young as 13 editing, filtering and sharing overtly sexualised photos of themselves on Instagram; adults infiltrating kids' electronic virtual worlds; primary school children viewing explicit images online.
It's pervasive and, to be honest, kind of terrifying.
How did we ever get here?
And more importantly, how do we safeguard our children from the insidious nature of the digital world? A world parents can't possibly monitor 24-7 - or even properly understand.
As a mum of two young girls, I've struggled over the years with navigating the daunting path of social media and electronics use with them.
How do I find the balance between giving my kids some independence to connect with their mates ... and my need to protect them from every potential bad thing that could possibly be said and done to them online?
Maybe it's always been there, but in a different form.
Back when I was a teenager a lot of my world was consumed in the pages of Dolly and Cleo magazines.
Messages in these magazines weren't necessarily sanitised (who DOESN'T remember Dolly Doctor?!), and there certainly wasn’t much diversity when it came to the types of female body shapes being portrayed in their pages.
But today it’s a markedly scarier world online than it was back in 1990 reading glossy magazine articles titled "Is it love this time or just another crush?".
And it’s also harder to know just what the right thing to do when our kids start heading down a dangerous online journey.
I remember around eight years ago – when my eldest was 15 – her dad and I banned her mobile phone from her for a week. The reaction to this was .. melodramatic to say the least.
I wasn’t sure if taking the phone off her was the right course of action, but ultimately there was only so much “YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE” I could take before I relented and gave back that damn device.
While social media existed eight years ago, the likes of Tik Tok and Snapchat hadn’t taken off yet. So she was probably the last of the ‘inoculated’ generation before the real implosion happened.
It is going to be a whole new ball game when my 10-year-old asks me for a mobile phone in the coming years.
Particularly with the likes of Tik Tok - a platform that doesn’t give kids the ability to filter who they want to see content from and can become an all-consuming and addictive video watching chamber.
Yesterday I had a chat with my eldest, who is now 23 and recently graduated with a Bachelor of Children’s Psychology, about her thoughts on social media - and in particular - how she thought I should tread the upcoming years.
She has lived through it with me, so I was curious to see how she thought I should approach it the second time around with her younger sister.
Her advice (outside of “DON’T EVER LET HER HAVE TIK TOK MUM!”) was to make sure, when the time comes, I constantly have conversations with her sister about what she is doing online, and to make her feel like she could always approach me to talk – without fear of getting in trouble.
Sound advice that is actually mirrored from organisations like Headspace.
Headspace encourages parents to keep up regular, open conversations about what their kids are doing online, what their experiences have been, and importantly, balancing their time online.
Anyone with a teenager knows that the above is easier said than done.
Kids can be deceitful, and a lot of these apps are designed to enable the hiding of messages and photos. (Seriously though - WHO IS COMING UP WITH THIS STUFF?! Just. Stop. It.)
It all feels very hard and scary and a little bit like losing control as a parent.
This is why it is actually encouraging to see most state and Territory Governments around the country banning mobile phone use at schools.
Earlier this week the parents of Dolly Everett - the 14 year old student who took her life five years ago after relentless online bullying - called on more needing to be done at schools to educate kids about safe and respectful online behaviour.
Dolly Everett was 14 when she took her life by suicide after relentless online bullying. Photo courtesy of Dolly’s Dream.
I could not agree more.
Social media is here to stay so it is imperative our schools keep up and adapt their approach to education in response.
I’ve often said I would love to see a bigger focus in the classroom on mental health and wellbeing of children - adding online safety is a no brainer.
I know I’d happily have my child forgo trigonometry in favour of this.
For more advice on talking to children about social media visit: Social media advice – for families | headspace